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Trapped in the Mirror

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Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
List Price: $13.99
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In this compelling book, Elan Golomb identifies the crux of the emotional and psychological problems of millions of adults. Simply put, the children of narcissist -- offspring of parents whose interest always towered above the most basic needs of their sons and daughters -- share a common belief: They believe they do not have the right to exist.

The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways: for examples, physical self-loathing that takes form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Dr. Golomb tells us.

With an empathic blend of scholarship and case studies, along with her own personal narrative of her fight for self, Dr. Golomb plumbs the depths of this problem, revealing its mysterious hold on the affairs of otherwise bright, aware, motivated, and worthy people. Trapped in the Mirror explores.

the nature of the paralysis and lack of motivation so many adults feel

stress and its role in exacerbating childhood wrongs

why do many of our relationships seem to be "reruns" of the past

how one's body image can be formed by faulty parenting

how anger must be acknowledge to be overcome

and, most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.

Rooted in a profoundly humanist traditional approach, and suffused with the benefit of the latest knowledge about intrafamily relationships, Trapped in the Mirror offers more than the average self-help book; it is truly the first self-heal book for millions.

DESCRIPTION:

Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 616.8585
EAN: 9780688140717
ISBN: 0688140718
Label: Harper Paperbacks
Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 272
Publication Date: 1995-03-28
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Release Date: 1995-03-28
Studio: Harper Paperbacks


SIMILAR ITEMS:

• Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
• The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
• Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
• Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
• Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers


CUSTOMER REVIEWS:

Customer Rating:
Summary: Waste of money and time.
Comment: The introduction was godd but that's about it. The rest of the book is about a series of examples and that's all. No real analysis, explanation or substance.


Customer Rating:
Summary: Worth reading...and re-reading
Comment: I have read this book several times, each time gaining a deeper insight and understanding about my past, and present, relationships. I have recommended it many times. I encourage anyone who grew up in a situation where there was no outright abuse, but is now left with a lingering feeling of not being good enough, feeling "unexplained anger," difficulty picking loving partners, READ THIS BOOK!
The only point that still bugs me is a section where Golomb shares about a client and her persona "Kali." The client's interpretation of this revered yogic deity was misguided, and I wanted Golomb to include an accurate description of this goddess and her symbolism. Kali is possibly the most misunderstood deity, often interpreted as evil and cruel, when, in fact, her destructive force is an act of benevolence. She represents fearlessness. She destroys to liberate. She is the darkness of the womb from which emerges light and life.
Perhaps my protectiveness of Kali's image has some tie to my own long-time feelings of being misunderstood.
I just wanted to set the record straight. For Kali and for myself.

Customer Rating:
Summary: Narcissism Dissected
Comment: As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I knew that I've been beaten down, but the nuances Golomb shared have given me such clarity. If you are the child of a narcissistic parent; in a narcissistic relationship,and have issues without really understanding why you have those particular issues, this book can be of help. Don't swallow it hook, line, and sinker; but do read and absorb the parts that relate to you. Be prepared to not want to see the most glaring offender. I wanted to distance myself from my mother for a minute just so I could calm down and gain some perspective. This thing is generational and is such a horrid legacy. Please heed the sections about the narcissist's blind spots because if you believe that you will be able to make them see what they have been/are doing to you, you will be sorely disappointed. I am sixty years old and have just begun to be my own person within the past couple of years with the help of an excellent psychotherapist, who recommended this book to me. Peace and Joy!

Customer Rating:
Summary: Trapped in the Mirror
Comment: *******
"Really, it's a rant, a cathartic work aimed at healing her wounds... The objectivity of the author is zilch because she is personally invested in her own story and its presentation... At best, Golomb comes across as an egotist with a sharp tongue..."
*******

Quoted above are some reviewers with whom I must respectfully disagree. To those who have never experienced a childhood such as this, the book would understandably be confusing.

A "rant", no; angry, cathartic and self-absorbed, probably, but with reason. It is an anger-provoking situation. Catharsis is also understandable. As for self-absorption, here is an illustration of the illness under discussion having possibly been transmitted to the next generation (the author). She talks about that inevitability. But she cannot be fairly judged without knowing her parents who were her role models...I'll bet she has come a long way.

This author personally knows the suffering she documents, and despite her PhD in psychology, still struggles, still has no perfect answers. This book is a story of courage and generosity with the goal of wanting to transcend pain and to connect, share, and support. This is an area of psychology that invites much more investigation and many more therapeutic answers. Some forms of mental illness elude every remedy known to today's technology, and this may be one of them.

I saw a PBS medical documentary covering a study of a man who years ago was in a rather mild automobile accident, striking his head on the steering wheel and dash. He was unconscious for about half an hour. He recovered perfect physical health, however, the man's entire basic personality changed. He suffers extreme depression, is no longer the loving father he was, acts without empathy. The narrator explained with illustrations showing the inside of the front part of the human head, how areas of the soft tissue of the brain relating to the seat of personality organization reside in an area just behind a very sharp jagged bony structure which surrounds and holds the eyes and how the personality part of the brain can be permanently damaged in even such a mild collision.

I would strongly recommend this book if you have a parent who constantly demands attention and admiration and in turn continually demeans you, an indication your parent may be a "narcissist." In extreme cases, you may also find helpful the book "Without Conscience" by Robert Hare, which supplies related information without using the term "narcissist."

Other books have been written which are directed at spouses of "narcissists." Trapped in The Mirror is one of the few books that have been written for adult children in this situation; children and adult children survivors of this type of parent have special additional burdens and will be thrilled to find the validation for their experiences that this book provides.

I strongly recommend that if you are thinking of buying this book, also purchase "Children of the Self-Absorbed, A Grownup's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents" by Nina Brown, as a companion book. The latter offers many protective, coping, and empowering strategies and will help fill in gaps.

Despite all available advice and guidance, depending on your particular situation, your relationship with your "narcisstic" parent may present you with some lifelong challenges of the greatest magnitude.

Customer Rating:
Summary: frightening parallels
Comment: Once I started reading this book, I held onto it like I had tunnel vision. I was completely blown away at how my ex-husband of twelve years was there in front of me on the pages in how Dr. Golomb describes Narcissists. Every box was checked. I ordered this book to try to find a way to help my daughter overcome her self destructive behavior that began manifesting itself when she was seven (she is now thirteen). Getting her away from her father was only the first major hurdle...she has a lot more healing that needs to be accomplished and I thank Dr. Golomb for giving me much needed perspective and helping me to understand more of what actually goes on in the minds of those whose struggles lasted well into adulthood. I look forward to sharing these stories with my daughter to help her realize that the negativity directed at her was not her fault and hope she finds and acknowledges her own worth. An invaluable book for those who have lived with and survived the Narcissistic personality disorder...a MUST read.

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