The Gift of Fear
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True fear is often a signal that can save your life. Are you listening?
- The baby-sitter you've just hired makes you uneasy--what should you do?
- You sense you are being followed --do you confront the stranger...or run?
- A fired employee says "You'll be sorry"--should you take him seriously?
- A person in the elevator you are about to enter just doesn't look right--do you wait for the next car?
A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust--and act on--our gut instincts.
In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the nation's leading expert on violent behavior, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger--before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including...how to act when approached by a stranger...when you should fear someone close to you...what to do if you are being stalked...how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls...the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person...and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.
DESCRIPTION:
Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.88
EAN: 9780440508830
ISBN: 0440508835
Label: Dell
Manufacturer: Dell
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 384
Publication Date: 1999-05-11
Publisher: Dell
Release Date: 1999-05-11
Studio: Dell
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CUSTOMER REVIEWS:
Customer Rating: 
Summary: A dose of necessary realism and practical wisdom. Information that could save your life.
Comment: I think just the fact that this book has over 325 high reviews by a wide of variety of people including law enforcement, psychologists, etc., speaks more loudly than anything I could write here. However, I would like to add my two cents that it is a book with information that could literally save your life. It is interesting, engaging and full of real life stories. A complimentary book for those that are dating is Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't. This book has broad-based appeal and something for everyone. In places it gets repetitious, but that is a minor point.
Customer Rating:
Summary: A flaw in Western Rationalism, ignoring legitimate Fear
Comment: Western Culture is filled with rationalists who despise superstition and emotionalism, and while we have had great success in applying Reason to science and logic, there is a great danger in making Reason the measure of all things.
In this book, De Backer makes the case that there is another part of our mind that we should listen to besides reason, our survival intuition. He likens it to a computer program that runs unseen in the background, picking up on details of our environment that we are consciously unaware of, and gives us the instinct of fear when we are in danger. However, we have become so accustomed to acting only on "reason" that we often ignore this legitimate fear because we cannot immediately give a "rational" explanation for it. But the reasons are there, and can be brought to the surface if given time to process the details. But in the midst of a dangerous situation, there is no time for analysis, only action. And so we ignore this gift of fear to our own detriment. De Becker argues for listening to and acting upon that fear, and helps the reader sort out what is actual fear as opposed to worry, panic, anxiety, and the like.
I found the book very helpful. De Becker builds his theory first from his own traumatic experience as a child, and then from the experiences of those he as worked with and interviewed during his career as a security consultant. Some of the stories told are disturbing, but perhaps necessary. Several section of the book tell how to first understand why certain types of people may become violent, and then how to spot and interpret the danger signs. De Becker argues that all acts of violence are predictable if we pay attention to the danger signs rather than ignoring them.
The only blight I found in the book was the appendix on "gun safety", which wasn't about gun safety at all, but a diatribe right out of liberal gun control play book. He rants about supposedly irresponsible gun manufacturers and gun locks, and uses false analogies and meaningless statistics to leave you with the impression that a firearm is somehow inherently evil, and you can catch "stray bullets" in the air much like you can catch the flu. What he neglects to address is the person behind the trigger, for the gun is just a tool controlled by the user. Perhaps his negative position on firearms (which in retrospect was mingled through the book) was due to his own trauma as a child that involved a firearm. In any case, the firearm is the most effective tool for self defense, but must be used responsibly, so here's what De Becker should have said about gun safety.
1. Treat every gun as if it were loaded. Don't ever "play" with them, even if you've checked and confirmed that the gun is empty.
2. Keep you finger OFF the trigger until you are ready to fire. People instinctively want to touch the trigger, even when picking a gun up. Don't touch it.
3. Always point the gun in a safe direction. Be constantly aware of where a gun is pointing, and do not let the muzzle ever point in an irresponsible direction.
4. When you shoot, be aware of your target and what is behind it. If you miss, you are responsible for where the bullet goes.
5. Get properly trained. A gun is not a good luck charm. You must learn to use it and practice with it. Take an NRA course and go shooting from time to time.
Customer Rating:
Summary: The Gift of Fear
Comment: I bought this book for myself and as a graduation gift for a young women. Excellent information, it should be mandatory reading for all young women.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Going with your gut...
Comment: As the author points out, there are (usually) warning signs indicating that a violent event may occur. Arguably, teaching someone to recognize these signs (or 'trust their gut' if you will) may save his/her life one day. From that perspective, what do you have to lose (besides, well...). In fact, the premise of this work actually forms the foundation of several 'defensive response' training programs across the country (such as police training).
Clearly, learning to recognize potential threats and respond rationally is certainly a valuable technique...one worthy of a book exploring this process. Of course, there are always those rare people who instinctively respond to threats in the "appropriate manner"; for everyone else, there is "The Gift of Fear.")
Customer Rating:
Summary: Better than any self defense class
Comment: I've heard the principle behind karate is that ideally you should never have to use it. That's great, so the real question is, "If I don't want to get mugged, and I ideally I shouldn't use karate, what the heck should I use?!"
The answer is in this book.
Simply put: Learn to use your instincts, to sharpen your awareness of your own fear, to recognize real potential danger, and to avoid it.
The book is easy to understand, it dives into the psychology of fear without swamping the reader with jargon, and it uses many anecdotes to explain the right and wrong ways people handle dangerous situations. There's more to it than simply avoiding all dark alleys or considering yourself entirely safe because you carry pepper spray. The book empowers the reader, it's better than any self-defense course, and it requires less of a time commitment.
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